I don’t always read esoteric and abstract works all the time. In fact, occasionally, I read for pleasure, though it would seem hard to believe when my posts on here seem to suggest that I only read to learn. In this Imitation Game, I have a new author in my scopes, a more modern one even. He has recently (by which I mean just that he's still alive) risen into popularity with his incredibly popular work entitled American Gods. Some of you have probably caught onto who I’m talking about. If you haven’t, don’t worry. The master of narrative, Neil Gaiman, is the focus of this week’s investigation. If you’ve read a little from me before this, you’ll have probably noticed that I tend to focus heavily upon style. I meticulously go back over all my writing to ensure that there is flow, that the whole reads in a nice and coherent way. Granted, this doesn’t mean that there aren’t complex sentences that are a little confusing time and again, but on the whole I try to make everything read in my voice. That being said, where I struggle the most is in developing something that is compelling (story-wise) and driven by the character rather than the narrator. In this piece -- that is anything but original -- was made in an attempt to better my storytelling. If you’ve ever read any Gaiman, you’ll know how enormous the shoes are that I have set myself up to fill. And on top of that, he has a healthy smattering of his own style. I respect him greatly. But if we never try, we’ll never know. So without further ado, here is my attempt crafting a good, narrative driven story. The chest sat just meters away atop a small pile of rocks. Medallions of gold and silver sparkled in the lamp light, and jewels of turquoise green, blue, and red glistened.
Alec froze in place, entranced by the gleaming before him. “By god,” he muttered, “I’ve found it.” He stepped closer, pushing the lamp ahead of him to light the cavern more. Six steps sat ahead leading directly up to the chest, made of a crumbling red stone that didn’t match the rest of the cave. It was clearly man-made, built years after the cave had been carved from the dark grey rock of the mountain. At the top of the steps sat the decrepit remains of what must have at one point been a squat hut. Brambles and bricks lay strewn across the floor, intermixed and broken in heaps. Glass shards gleamed in the orange light. Whatever had stood here at one point had crumbled into waste years ago, leaving behind only the stone steps, and more importantly, the treasure. His heart thumped loud in his ears. With light step, he moved onto the first step, ensuring that it didn’t give way beneath his weight. It held firm and he breathed out the breath he had unknowingly been holding. He tried the next step, and the next. All seemed to be holding, perhaps the steps were better constructed than the rest. He took another step. The brick shifted beneath him all a sudden and there was a resonant crack that echoed through the cave. Alec stood stock still, not daring to move an inch and waited. The echo chorus ended, pittering off into the distance. Nothing happened. Alec straightened himself up and chuckled nervously to himself. He said, “I’m just being paranoid. Just take the treasure and let’s get the hell out of this place.” He took the next two steps quickly and was soon right in front of the treasure. Setting the lamp down beside him, Alec dropped to his knees and picked up the closest piece of gold to him. It had a weight to it, almost as heavy as a rock, and sparkled brighter than all the stars in the night sky. A smile consumed his face as he started grabbing gold pieces and gems from all around, sliding around on hands and knees searched for anything to fill his pockets. There was no way he could carry the whole chest back, but he was going to make damn sure that he took everything he could carry. As he was searching and grabbing at anything that shone in the light, his hand brushed over something enormous. It was smooth to the touch and had a deep chill to it, like a lamp post in the cold of winter. Shifting himself towards the object, he began to push his way through the rubble to uncover it. Moving the final piece of brick out of the way, his breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened. Beneath the red bricks and the piles of spilled treasure sat a single round piece of gold, bigger than his arm. Silver slivers swooped about it, circling and interweaving into a complex pattern that reminded him of a Celtic knot, and at the center of it all sat a ruby, nestled deep within the gold and silver. Alec lifted the treasure up -- it was surprisingly light -- and held it in front of him. Turning it over in his hands, he found straps on the back fastened tight to either side. “I’s a shield,” he said breathlessly. “Beautiful.” A crack sounded from behind him just like from on the steps, only this one was much deeper and louder. Whirling around, Alec looked for what could have made the noise. “Who’s there,” he shouted. No one responded. Putting the shield onto one arm, Alec picked up the lamp and stood up slowly, holding it out before him. Eyes straining, he searched the darkness for movement, but nothing was there. Despite this, a chill ran down his spine. “I have to get out of here,” he whispered hurriedly to himself. He was halfway down the stairs when another crack erupted through the cave, this one an earsplitting groan that sounded like nails on a chalkboard and shook the ground. Rocks clattered down from the ceiling, smashing into the stairs beneath him. Losing his footing, Alec reeled forward and tumbled down the remaining stairs, shield clattering down behind him as it slipped from his arm. The lamp fell to one side, smashing against a rock and the light went out with a hiss. The sound groaned on, rumbling as rocks scratched sickeningly against one another and the floor shook faster and faster. Alec scrambled over to the shield, cutting his hand on freshly shattered rocks. He cursed under his breath as he grabbed the cold metal, blood trickling down its smooth back. Standing back up, he turned towards the direction of the cave mouth, the light from outside his only guide. He ran, darting as fast as he could towards the entrance as the ground rumbled all about him. Rocks fell and smashed against one another, invisible in the darkness. The ground was rough and covered with new stones. His foot caught suddenly on something and he sprawled out once again, the wind knocked clean out of him as his head bounced against the rock wall. The shield flew from his arm towards the cave mouth, landing in a pool of light just meters away. Groaning, he crawled towards it, his whole body on fire in pain. The rumbling continued on as something heavy landed on his legs. He screamed out in pain as he felt his lower body crushed beneath the massive weight. His vision swam and spots of blackness threatened to cloud it out. Gritting his teeth, he tried to pull forward again, but the weight pinning his legs down was too great. The sunlight gleamed just meters away, but he couldn’t move forward. Mind racing, he tried to figure a way out. He couldn’t pull himself forward, but maybe he could push the rock off his legs. It seemed doubtful, but it was his only shot. Turning his upper body to the side, he propped himself up on his elbows and tried to twist the rest of his body. Pain rocketed up his spine and the blackness threatened to take swallow his vision. The rumbling grew louder and rocks began to pepper down on him from the ceiling, hitting against his head and back. Head swimming and vision going, he tried one more time, hefting with all his weight. He felt the rock shift. Adrenaline surged through him and he kept pushing, feeling hope. Just as he thought he was about to break free, something enormous and black crashed down from above, landing square on his shoulders. There was a dry snap as it pinned his body to the floor and then everything was black.
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Eric FoxWhen I'm not writing or reading, you can find me playing games or in an existential crisis. When I'm not doing those, I'm probably checking my email, so don't hesitate to reach out. ArchivesCategories
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